Time Heals All Wounds
Mia walked into the therapist’s office feeling overwhelmed. She had called an emergency meeting with her doctor after Steve bad left and she was thankful he agreed to see her the following morning.
“Well Mrs. McGarrett, I am quite surprised you wanted to see me considering you cancelled our last two meetings,” the doctor said once Mia had sat down.
“I remembered everything,” Mia blurted out without preamble ignoring the doctor’s remark.
“What do you mean?” the doctor asked straightening in his chair to pay closer attention.
Mia stood up and began pacing around the office not able to sit still. “Everything, all the memories are back and I don’t know what to do. I mean I know what to do but I don’t know how to. I tried telling Steve yesterday before he left but he wouldn’t listen because he was already running late. Now he’s in North Korea and I don’t know when or if he’ll be back. I’m scared of his reaction because of everything I’ve put him through in the last couple of months. I mean we slept together but I don’t think that changed anything especially after I told him I loved him. He doesn’t believe me but can I blame him? No and it’s all my fault.”
The doctor saw she was about to continue so he raised a hand to stop her. “Okay, I need you to slow down, take a deep breath, and try to calm down so I can understand what you’re saying.”
Mia nodded and did as the doctor instructed. She walked to the couch and took a seat.
“Okay, now let’s start from the beginning. Why haven’t you been coming to any of the appointments?” he asked giving Mia a pointed look.
Mia twisted her fingers in her hands in a nervous gesture. “They weren’t helping. I was getting frustrated because every time I came it was the same thing and I got tired of it,” Mia said feeling guilty and not looking at the doctor.
“You knew this was going to be a long and tough road. Besides, we had not even done all the exercises but I guess that’s not important now. What’s important is that you say you have all your memories back so let’s focus on that. Tell me, how and when it happened,” he instructed as he got his pen and notepad ready to take notes.
Mia couldn’t help but blush at the how. The doctor would probably not believe it. She couldn’t believe it.
“Mia?” he prompted sending her a questioning look.
Mia cleared her throat and focused her gaze on the window behind the doctor. “Yesterday during, during,” she paused.
“During?” he asked.
“I know you’re going to find this crazy. Heck, I find it crazy but it’s true,” Mia said laughing nervously. “I slept with Steve yesterday and in the middle of it memories came flashing back in big waves. I can’t explain why it just did and it freaked me out but I couldn’t stop what I was doing nor could I stop the memories from coming back,” she said in a rushed voice feeling her cheeks burning from the situation in which it had happened.
The doctor leaned back on his seat and studied Mia closely. “So what you’re saying is that in the middle of making love with your husband all the memories, absolutely every single one, came back?”
Mia looked at the doctor and nodded. “You don’t believe me do you?”
“It’s not common,” he said but raised a hand to stop Mia’s protests, “but I believe you. You’re not the first person it happens to. There’s no research that has been able to explain why it happens but I’ve read of other people in your situation, not necessarily during sex with their partners. Some have been simply in a very special event or place. Something that means a lot to the person without a memory.”
“So I’m not crazy?” Mia asked feeling relieved.
The doctor smiled kindly and shook his head. “Not at all. Maybe it wasn’t just about sex but more about the connection between you two.”
Mia smiled at the memories of Steve and her. They did have a wonderful connection. Sometimes they could lay in bed in each other’s arms for hours and not need to say a single word. She loved Steve so much she didn’t know what she would do without him but there was still a major issue coming in between them. He didn’t trust her anymore. Mia’s smile slowly gave way to a frown.
“Mia? What’s going on? You looked so happy one second ago and now you’re frowning,” the doctor asked.
“It’s just that Steve doesn’t trust me and I’ve only got myself to blame,” Mia whispered dropping her gaze to her hands on her lap.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“A few days ago I thought I was falling for Danny, Steve’s best friend and co-worker. I wanted to know if what I was feeling was real or if I was imagining things so I kissed him. I realized right away the mistake I was making. Danny wasn’t Steve and that’s who I really wanted. I realized I confused Danny’s kindness for something else. I love Steve and don’t know what I would do without him.” As Mia finished talking, tears had begun to form in her eyes. She feared she had gone too far and Steve would never forgive her.
The doctor looked at Mia as he tapped his pen on his notepad. “Well,” he began, “I see you’ve been through a lot these last few weeks. Tell me something, would you have said you loved Steve before you got your memories back?”
“Why does that matter? I have my memories back now. Isn’t that what’s important? I remember everything, my life with Steve, my life in New York, everything,” Mia said sounding a bit too defensive.
“That’s exactly why Mia. You remembered everything, including that at one point in your life you were in love with Steve. Are you sure your feelings are still the same and not something you desperately want to hold on to even though you’re not sure what your feelings are anymore?”
“I love Steve. In my heart and in my mind there is no doubt about it. What happened with Danny was a mistake I will always regret. Even without my memories I always knew it was always going to be Steve.” Mia spoke with so much assertiveness, there was no doubt she was speaking the truth.
“Does Steve know you have your memory back?” he asked expectantly.
Mia shook her head no. “No, like I told you, he left to North Korea. When I tried telling him he wouldn’t listen. I guess I freaked him out after telling him I loved him and he was already running late.”
The doctor nodded. “I can see why it would freak him out. He doesn’t know you remembered everything and hearing the woman he loves say something he desperately hopes to be true can shake up a person. You have to tell him as soon as he comes back. If you really want to save your marriage you have to start being completely honest with Steve,” the doctor said looking Mia in the eye.
“I will tell him,” Mia said. “I want nothing more than to finally be with my family and move on from everything that has happened.”
“Okay, now let’s talk about what else you remembered. How about your kidnapping or perhaps what happened the day everyone thought you were dead?” he suggested.
Mia immediately tensed at the mention of her kidnapping or the hospital explosion. Those were events in her life she wished would have stayed buried. “I, I can’t. I can’t talk about that. Please don’t ask me about that,” Mia begged as she began to get agitated with every word she spoke.
The doctor leaned over and placed a calming hand on top of Mia’s shaking hands. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do that right now. We can save it for another time.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“What I do want you to do is head to the hospital and get some tests done that I am going to recommend, and that’s an order Mia,” the doctor said in all seriousness as he stood up and walked to his desk. “I want to make sure everything looks normal. That there are no repercussions from the hit to your head.”
Mia nodded and took the paper the doctor offered but before she could leave, he told her he wanted to see her again in a week.
Mia walked into her home to find her best friend, Savanna, and Mary talking but as soon as Mia walking in, the talking stopped. “Don’t stop on my behalf,” Mia said as she dropped her keys on the nearby table. “Unless you were talking about me, which is very likely, and you don’t want me to know.”
Savanna and MaryAnn exchanged a look, which Mia caught right away.
“What?” she asked looking from one woman to the other. “What’s with the looks?”
“Mia,” Savanna began, “we’re worried about you. Steve told us you haven’t been to your appointments with your therapist.”
Mia sighed and took a seat on the sofa where Savi was sitting. “You can stop worrying. I just came back from seeing my doctor,” she said. Mia stared straight ahead and asked, “Have any of you heard from Steve?”
Savi exchanged another worried look with MaryAnn. “No but I’m sure he’s okay. If anything happens you’ll be the first to know, I’m sure. You’re his wife after all.”
Mia let out a snort but when she saw the unimpressed looks the two women were giving her she immediately turned serious. “Sorry,” she apologized feeling embarrassed.
“Mia what’s going on? You haven’t been yourself lately-”
“I haven’t been myself for over a year,” Mia said her voice filled with annoyance as she interrupted Savi. She stood up and walked to the wall on the other side of the room where a picture of her wedding was hanging. She ran a finger over it slowly as she remembered vividly that moment. Mia couldn’t help the tears that threatened to fall. “First I was kidnapped, not once, but twice. The first by someone I thought I loved at one point and my own mother, my own mother. Tell me, how messed up is that? And the second?” Mia gave a sardonic laugh as she turned to face two shocked women staring at her. “The second by a man Steve and I have been chasing for years.”
“You mean, you re-”
“Don’t look so shocked. It was bound to happen, right?” Mia asked as she wiped away the tears that were slowly falling. “I remember everything but you have no idea how I wish many of those memories remained in the dark.”
“Oh honey,” Savi said in a sympathy as she immediately walked to where Mia was standing and embraced her in a comforting hug.
“I missed the birth of my own child and a whole year of her life. An entire year and it was all because of those people.” Mia broke down in Savi’s arms unable to hold in all the mixed feelings buried inside.
After a few minutes, Savi noticed Mia had finally calmed down a bit and gently pulled her away just enough to see her face. “Have you told Steve?” she asked softly searching Mia’s eyes for confirmation.
Mia walked away from Savi and shook her head. “No,” she said in a small voice.
“Why not? Gosh, Mia, Steve has been waiting for this day for so long,” MaryAnn said incredulously.
“And you think I haven’t?” she snapped. “All I wanted was my old life back but now things are so complicated. I tried telling him last night but he wouldn’t give me the chance. Plus, he was already running late.”
“Yesterday, you two were barely speaking to each other. Did you at least talk after I left or did my brother just leave?” MaryAnn asked in a hesitant tone.
Savi looked surprised. “I didn’t know things were bad between you and Steve,” she stated.
“I kissed Danny and Steve found out,” Mia said bluntly.
“Are you insane?” they both asked at the same time.
“I keep asking myself the same question. It was a mistake and you have no idea how much I regret it. I love Steve and I don’t want to lose him but he doesn’t trust me anymore. He thinks I’ve been screwing around with Danny,” Mia said as she once again felt the tears threatening to fall.
“Can you blame him? You kissed his best friend,” Mary said sarcastically.
“I never screwed around with Danny!” Mia defended. “I just kissed him, that’s it. Danny never led me on or anything like that. I misunderstood everything. Steve made it impossible for me to approach him. He was always so serious and looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here so I turned to Danny. Danny was always so sweet and willing to listen.”
“Either way, that’s cheating, Mia. I cannot believe with Danny of all people. He’s Steve’s best friend for crying out loud!” MaryAnn said in disbelief shooting daggers at Mia.
“I know! I know what I did was wrong and if I could take it back I would!” Mia shouted in exasperation.
“Okay ladies, that’s enough. None of that is helping the situation any, besides that is between Steve and Mia,” Savanna inserted trying to prevent the situation from escalating. She understood where Mary was coming from. If Steve was Savi’s brother she would be mad at Mia too for what she did but what Mia needed the most right now was a friend not someone to judge her.
“I’m really disappointed in you Mia,” Mary said as she grabbed her purse. “Sophie is taking her nap. She’ll probably wake up any time now.”
“Youre leaving?” Mia asked weakly.
“Where are you going?” Mia asked.
“I don’t know, out, somewhere away from this place. Don’t expect me for dinner either. I’ll probably be crashing with a friend,” Mary said as she opened the door and walked out.
Mia sighed as she dropped on the sofa. “Great, now MaryAnn hates me too,” Mia said.
“She doesn’t hate you. Mary is just looking out for her brother. Just give her some time to digest everything,” Savi suggested.
Mia nodded knowing there was nothing she could do where Mary was concerned.
“Why didn’t you come to me, Mia? I’ve known you far longer than Danny or even Steve for that matter,” Savi said as she took a seat right next to Mia and placed a comforting hand on top of Mia’s cold hands.
“That’s exactly what Steve said but to be honest I don’t know,” Mia said softly looking at Savi with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know anything anymore. All I do know for certain is that I don’t want to lose Steve and the family we’ve build and I’m afraid I already did.”
Mia walked into an empty Five-0 headquarters one week after Steve had left to North Korea. She wasn’t surprised to find it empty. Maybe the team was on the field working a case, she thought. Mia hadn’t realized how much she missed this place and the action until now.
She walked into her office, finding it dark and full of dust everywhere. Mia noticed right away it was exactly the same as she had left it before her trip to New York, except that now the blinds were closed, darkening the space in the process. She opened the blinds to let the sunlight in and then proceeded to open the blinds on the windows facing the bullpen and the rest of the offices. Mia couldn’t believe it had been so long. She picked up files that had been left on top of her desk and began scanning through them.
Mia jumped at the sudden intrusion and turned around to find Danny standing by the open door.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” Danny apologized as he put his gun away but not moving from the doorway. “I saw the open door and thought someone had broken in. What are you doing here?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Mia said with a shrug. “I was- hey what are you doing all dressed up?” Mia noticed Danny was more dressed up than usual.
Danny looked down at what he was wearing and shrugged. “The team and I were at the funeral,” he said as he brought his gaze back to her face. “We were wondering where you were but I didn’t want to ask Steve with everything that’s been going on.”
Mia scrunched up her nose in confusion. “Hold on, what funeral and what was Steve doing there? I thought he was still in North Korea.”
Danny widened his eyes in surprise. “Mia, Steve got back yesterday. The funeral was for his buddy, the body he went to recover? You didn’t know?” he asked when he saw her confused face.
Mia shook her head as she leaned on the desk. “Where is he now?” she asked her voice void of any emotion and not looking at Danny.
“He’s in the locker room changing out of his uniform,” Danny said pointing behind him at nothing.
Mia nodded and whispered a thanks as she brushed past Danny without another word.
Steve felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders now that his friend, Freddy, was finally resting in peace. His family had also gotten some closure but Steve’s guilt would carry on with him forever even if he knew it wasn’t his fault.
“How long are you planning on avoiding me for?”
Steve was in the process of pulling up his cargo pants when Mia’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up at her as he buttoned his pants and reached for his shirt. “I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy to call your wife and let her know you arrived safe and sound?” Mia reproached as she walked to stand in front of Steve.
“Do you have any idea how worried I was?” Mia said feeling hurt that Steve didn’t contact her or that he didn’t want her at the funeral. “If you didn’t want me at the funeral, fine, but the least you could have done was call.”
“How did you even find out?” Steve asked as he closed the locker door.
“That’s beside the point, Steve. If I wouldn’t have come you probably would have avoided me for a while longer, right?” Mia asked crossing her arms across her chest. “If not for me then the least you could have done was call for Sophie.”
“Where is she? Why aren’t you home with her and where’s your security detail?” Steve asked realizing that Mia was here on her own.
“I let him go,” Mia said simply before turning to leave.
“What do you mean you let him go?” Steve asked placing a hand on Mia’s arm to halt her movements.
“I don’t need him anymore, Steve. I am perfectly capable of defending myself. After all, I am a trained Federal Agent, right?” Mia asked sarcastically before pulling her arm from Steve’s hold and walking away.
“Mia we’re not done talking,” Steve said walking right behind her and slamming the door shut before she had a chance to open it all the way. He felt like he was having a moment of Deja vu but he shook it off. “You’re going to explain to me right now why you decided it was okay to get rid of the security detail.”
“Get out of the way, Steve,” Mia said in a warning tone.
“And if I don’t what?” Steve challenged.
“You really want to know what? Here’s what, Steve. While you were busy trying to avoid me I was anxiously awaiting your arrival to tell you I remembered everything. I have every single memory back,” Mia said as tears slid down her face. “I know I did some things to make you doubt me but if you’re going to hold it against me for the rest of our lives then I don’t think we have much left to save.”
Steve was still stunned at the fact that Mia had recovered her memories, he almost missed the rest of what she said.
“You really remembered everything?” Steve asked hoping he had heard right.
Mia nodded and walked to the nearest bench and sat down feeling drained.
“When did this happen?” he asked as he leaned back against the door and crossed his arms in front of him not ready to let her go anywhere until she told him everything. “Was it while I was gone?”
Mia shook her head no but didn’t say anything else.
“So it was before I left?” Steve asked feeling the dread forming at the pit of his stomach.
Mia nodded and whispered a simple yes.
“You’re going to have to speak up Mia,” Steve said his voice laced with warning. “So while we made love you were pretending the whole time you didn’t remember anything?”
Mia’s head snapped up and she turned her gaze to face Steve’s cold look. “I’ve never pretended to not remember anything. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Steve smiled sardonically. “See that’s one of our main problems, Mia. There are many things that at one point I knew you would never do to me, but now? Now you’ve turned into nothing but a liar. You lied to me about so many things, some of which I’m still waiting for answers so don’t think you’re off the hook,” Steve said seriously. He stood up straight and walked to stand in front of Mia. Steve grabbed her from the arms and pulled her to her feet. “When did your memories come back and you better not lie to me anymore, Mia.”
Mia stared at Steve’s chest trying to avoid at all costs looking into his eyes.
Steve gave Mia a gentle shake and said, “Answer me, Mia.”
“During,” she whispered.
“During what?” Steve asked bending his knees slightly to look into her eyes.
“It was before you left, while we made love,” she finally confessed. Mia noticed Steve didn’t believe her when he let her go and took a step back colliding with the wall of lockers. “I know it sounds unbelievable but it’s true. I talked about it to my doctor and he said it happens. It’s rare, but it happens. You can talk to him if you want.” Mia took a tentative step forward but stopped when Steve raised a hand signaling for her not to continue. “Steve,” she whispered.
“Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me to stop? Why would you keep something so important from me?” Steve asked, his voice rising with each question asked. “This is becoming a habit for you isn’t it, keeping important stuff from me?”
“I tried telling you but you wouldn’t listen!” Mia shouted in exasperation. “When I told you I loved you, you shut down and wouldn’t listen to me.”
“Can you blame me? Just a day or so before you were sneaking around kissing my partner and then you throw yourself at me. Do you think that’s what I wanted to hear when you weren’t even sure who you wanted to be with?” Steve asked in a cold voice.
Mia was hurting with every word Steve said. She knew she probably deserved it but they didn’t hurt any less. “It only happened once Steve and I already said I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well sometimes sorry is not enough,” Steve said back before walking away.
Mia was becoming increasingly worried with each passing minute. After Steve walked out of the locker room, Mia had chased after him receiving a few raised eyebrows from the rest of the team. Mia had wanted to make things right with Steve but she knew it would take a lot of hard work, especially after the way he clearly told her to go home in front of everyone. Mia recognized the look Steve sent her, which was the same look he gave when he was close to losing it. She knew Steve didn’t like to ventilate his dirty laundry at work so she backed off and went home.
Now it was close to midnight and Steve wasn’t home yet. She had put Sophie to sleep hours ago and Mia had tried going to sleep but she kept tossing and turning, finally giving up and deciding to watch TV. She checked the clock on Steve’s nightstand and only ten minutes had passed.
Mia was finally dozing off when the TV was suddenly turned off. She immediately sat up and noticed Steve grabbing clothes from his dresser.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he mumbled.
“You didn’t, I couldn’t sleep,” she replied as she rubbed her eyes.
“Conscience keeping you up?” he asked giving her one of his famous smirks as he undressed and slipped on some gray sweat pants.
Mia ignored his comment. “I was waiting for you. It’s late and you didn’t call. I was getting worried,” she said as she watched Steve walk to his side of the bed and drop face down onto it.
“Sorry, wife, I didn’t know I was supposed to call even after you knew I was already on the island,” Steve mumbled as a hand reached under the covers and slowly made its way up Mia’s leg.
Mia pushed his hand away. “Steve, stop, we need to talk,” she said as she felt Steve’s scruff tickle her neck.
“You talk too much,” he whispered against her skin sending shivers down her spine.
“Steve, I’m serious,” she said trying to push him away. She turned to look at him and opened her mouth to say something when Steve captured her lips in a kiss. Mia could taste the alcohol in Steve’s kiss so she turned her head away causing his lips to fall on her neck. “You’ve been drinking.”
“Impressive work,” he whispered as his hand found its way under her pajama top. “Did you learn those skills with your detective friend?”
Mia had had enough of Steve’s remarks. She pushed him away and got off the bed, turning the light on in the process. “That’s enough, Steve. You want to be mad at me, fine, go right ahead. You want to go out and get drunk because your wife preferred your best friend over you for just one second, fine,” she snapped. “But don’t come home well past midnight, drunk, thinking you’re going to get anything out of it. You want to feel sorry for yourself, Steve? Go find someone who is willing to put up with that because I am done trying. I am done feeling guilty and sorry for something that I can’t take back. I don’t know what you want me to do to make it alright and until you know what it is that you want I think it’s best if we’re not in the same place.” Mia finished talking and released a shaky breath as she looked Steve in the eye. She held her gaze for a few more seconds before grabbing her pillow and blanket.
“Where are you going?” Steve asked sounding more sober than a few moments ago.
“I’m going to sleep in Sophie’s room,” she said as she faced the door the entire time.
“That’s not necessary,” he said. “Stay here, I’ll sleep downstairs.”
Mia didn’t know when he got off the bed until she heard him right behind her.
“I’m really happy you have you memories back,” he whispered to the back of her head before placing a small kiss on her head and walking around her and out the door.